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fatboyjoe90
Posts: 5870
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2009 6:29 pm
Location: merseyside

Sun May 24, 2020 12:43 am

Thank's for all your comments Paul, Loretta and Tom. :wink: :D :D
Cheers Joe.
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fatboyjoe90
Posts: 5870
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2009 6:29 pm
Location: merseyside

Sun May 24, 2020 12:56 am

O'Neil was walking home from the pub one night when lo and behold he sees one of the Little Folk.
He sneaks up and catches him in his stare and demands three wishes for the little man’s freedom. "Granted," says the man in green, "but whatever I do for you, O'Reilly will get twofold!"
Now O'Reilly is no friend of O'Neil, in fact, they hate each other, but O'Neil agrees. "For my first wish, I'd like a mansion full of expensive antiques and beautiful women."
"Granted, and of course O’Neil gets two!"
"For my second wish, I'd like a beautiful, sexy, redheaded nymphomaniac."
"Granted, and of course O'Reilly gets two women."
Now by this stage, O'Neil is pissed off, the hated O'Reilly getting two mansions and two nymphomaniacs.
Suddenly inspiration hits him "For my third wish, I want you to remove one of my testicles!" :lol: :lol: :lol:




An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident.
They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road.
The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"
The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."
The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."
The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be telling' them. But I'll be telling' them I wasn't the one drinking. :lol: :lol: :lol:




Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!' :lol: :lol: :lol:
Image
Cheers Joe.
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Paul
Posts: 495
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 7:59 pm
Location: Bootle

Sun May 24, 2020 7:12 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Paul
Born Kirk Street
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BossHogg
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:19 am
Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Sun May 24, 2020 8:38 am

fatboyjoe90 wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 12:56 am
O'Neil was walking home from the pub one night when lo and behold he sees one of the Little Folk.
He sneaks up and catches him in his stare and demands three wishes for the little man’s freedom. "Granted," says the man in green, "but whatever I do for you, O'Reilly will get twofold!"
Now O'Reilly is no friend of O'Neil, in fact, they hate each other, but O'Neil agrees. "For my first wish, I'd like a mansion full of expensive antiques and beautiful women."
"Granted, and of course O’Neil gets two!"
"For my second wish, I'd like a beautiful, sexy, redheaded nymphomaniac."
"Granted, and of course O'Reilly gets two women."
Now by this stage, O'Neil is pissed off, the hated O'Reilly getting two mansions and two nymphomaniacs.
Suddenly inspiration hits him "For my third wish, I want you to remove one of my testicles!" :lol: :lol: :lol:
The version I heard of this was his final wish was a mild heart attack. 😁
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BossHogg
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Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Sun May 24, 2020 11:36 am

Image
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BossHogg
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:19 am
Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Sun May 24, 2020 11:37 am

Image
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BossHogg
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:19 am
Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Sun May 24, 2020 11:38 am

Image
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BossHogg
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:19 am
Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Sun May 24, 2020 11:38 am

Image
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BossHogg
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:19 am
Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Sun May 24, 2020 11:40 am

Image
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BossHogg
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2016 4:19 am
Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Sun May 24, 2020 11:40 am

Image
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Paul
Posts: 495
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 7:59 pm
Location: Bootle

Sun May 24, 2020 1:20 pm

Tom :lol: :lol: :lol:

Paul
Born Kirk Street
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BossHogg
Posts: 536
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Location: Netherton, Maryport.
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Mon May 25, 2020 10:52 pm

Image
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fatboyjoe90
Posts: 5870
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2009 6:29 pm
Location: merseyside

Wed May 27, 2020 12:53 am

That's a bit naughty Tom. :|
Cheers Joe.
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fatboyjoe90
Posts: 5870
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2009 6:29 pm
Location: merseyside

Wed May 27, 2020 12:59 am

Irishman, Englishman, and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law, you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.
Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him.

The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil.
When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport.
Next came the German. "Under Saudi law, you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.

Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard
"Nothing," said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport.
The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law, you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.

Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German". :lol: :lol: :lol:




A man is driving along in the Irish countryside when he comes to a petrol station,
He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?".
The man says "Sorry - we're right out of petrol."
So, the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?"
And the attendant respond’s "Sorry, but no oil either."
The man thinks and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that.
The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant "Just what kind of petrol station is this?
The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front."

The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres? :lol: :lol: :lol: Image
Cheers Joe.
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filsgreen
Posts: 4915
Joined: Sun May 12, 2013 8:28 am

Wed May 27, 2020 1:01 am

:lol: :lol:
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