Joes Jokes

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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby Sheelagh Tequila » Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:36 pm

Joe these are great :lol: :lol: :lol:
Thanks


Sheelagh :D
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:17 am

Cheers Phil, Eddy and Sheelagh. :wink: :D :D
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Fri Jun 14, 2019 1:21 am

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella. :lol: :lol: :lol:



I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door. :lol: :lol: :lol:




A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked. "Because," he said,




"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." :lol: :lol: :lol: Image
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby Matt » Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:33 am

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you're over seventy.............who cares?
**********

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?";
I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."
When you're over seventy.............who cares?
***********

I was talking to a young woman last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.";
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.";
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you're over seventy.............who cares?
**********

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the groin, but...
When you're over seventy..............who cares?
*********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you're over seventy.............who cares?
**********

I went to a club last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
When you're over seventy.............who cares?

Matt (nearly 77 so who cares)
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby filsgreen » Fri Jun 14, 2019 9:40 am

:lol: :lol:
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby Gardner 180 » Fri Jun 14, 2019 12:52 pm

You can LEAD a horse to water....But a pencil must be LEAD. :) :roll:
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Fri Jun 14, 2019 8:22 pm

I like it Ray. :wink: :lol: :lol:
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Sat Jun 15, 2019 2:28 am

I walked into a chemist and asked could I have a box of condoms, please. That’ll be 3,99. Do you want a bag with it?
Nah I’m OK. She’s actually quite pretty :lol: :lol: :lol:



My wife left a note on the fridge this morning saying “This is not working, goodbye”. Just opened the fridge and it’s working fine very strange. :lol: :lol: :lol:




It’s amazing how quickly the sales staff at Ikea come to “assist you” once you take off your trousers and get into


one of their beds. :lol: :lol: :lol: Image
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby Eddy Lloyd » Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:44 am

Some goodens there Joe :) :)
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:30 am

Cheers Eddy. :lol: :lol:
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:35 am

I tried to drown my troubles the other night but the wife doesn’t like swimming. :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol:





My wife is never satisfied. Yesterday she complained that I never make her breakfast in bed. Today she’s complaining because I put our bed in the kitchen. :lol: :lol: :lol:




Just seen a sign while on holiday in Spain saying “English speaking doctors available”. Fantastic idea, we should have some of those?










In this country as well. :lol: :lol: :lol: Image
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby filsgreen » Sun Jun 16, 2019 7:21 am

:lol: :lol:
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Mon Jun 17, 2019 1:25 am

Cheers Phil. :wink: :lol: :lol:
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Mon Jun 17, 2019 1:29 am

My wife just called me.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “That’s probably why they’ve received flowers then.” :lol: :lol: :lol:





I recently got an alcohol tester fitted to my wallet to make sure I don’t drink too much when I’m driving. It’s a picture of my wife when she starts looking good I know I’ve had too much. :lol: :lol: :lol:








A scientific survey recently revealed a horrifying statistic that 25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.





That means that 75% of women are running around untreated! :shock: :shock: :shock:
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 4:10 am

Got given a Jehovah’s Witness advent calendar today. Every time you open the door there are 2 people standing behind it. :lol: :lol: :lol:



My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed so I told her I have a headache. :lol: :lol: :lol:






Uncle: The camera on my new iPhone, it’s amazing. It even works under water.
Me: That’s great uncle Steve,





but can I please finish my bath now?? :lol: :lol: :lol: Image
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby filsgreen » Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:51 am

Loved the first one, Joe. :lol: :lol: Shouldn't mock, my sister might be one of them. :oops:
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:43 pm

Cheers Phil. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Joes Jokes

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Wed Jun 19, 2019 7:45 pm

I am not racist, my shadow is black. :lol: :lol: :lol:




My wife apologized for the first time ever today! She said she’s sorry she ever married me. :lol: :lol,: :lol:








Apparently, when someone messages you a picture of their new baby it’s offensive to send a message back saying






Better luck next time”! :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol: Image
Cheers Joe.
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