Paddy & Mick sat having a pint...A lorry goes past with rolls of turf on, Paddy says "I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery."
Mick says "Wot drive a wagon?"
Paddy says "No ya silly prat, send my grass away to be cut..."
Paddy the Irishman buys a new bath but returns to the shop the following day for a refund.
"The water keeps running out of it" he explains
The shop assistant looks puzzled and says, "You did buy a plug for it didn't you?"
"Ah for feck sake!" says Paddy rather angrily, "you never said it was electric Bath
Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach, couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.
"Mate, it’s obvious," says the lifeguard, "You're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer.
They're years outta style.
Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside "em.
I'm telling" you mate you will have all the babes you want!" The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his new tight Speedos and his fist-sized potato.
Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him,
"What"s wrong now
"JAHEESUS!" said the lifeguard. "Mate, the potato goes in front.