My wife shouted, "I've had it up to here with you!" putting her hand 2 inches over her head, before storming out the door.
I just laughed.
It's hard to take her seriously though, she's a dwarf.
My daughter rang me earlier.
"Dad," she screamed. "Mum's collapsed and she's struggling to breathe! I think she's dying."
"Have you called an ambulance?" I panted.
"No, not yet," she cried.
"Right, get on that phone," I said. "And book the crematorium for Friday."
I was just walking through customs when I was stopped by security.
They asked, "Do you mind if we search your bag?"
I said, "Not at all, she should be along shortly, she's just nipped to the toilet."
My wife and I were discussing what song we each would like played at our funerals.
"I want something memorable," she said, "something that will bring everyone close together"
"I know what you mean" I said softly as I made my way to the CD player, "something like this?"
Well, the bloody look she gave me as I bounced around to the conga was proper evil.
The hospital called me to tell me that my wife was showing early signs of emerging from her year long coma.
"Some music might be useful," the doctor suggested.
"I was just thinking that," I nodded. "I'll get a CD of lullabies this afternoon."
As I bent over and the nurse applied the cream, she asked "how on earth did this happen? What the hell were you doing?"
I replied, "....well, I met this guy in the pub and found him rather attractive....."
"Whoaaa," she said. "Too much inflammation."
My wife came in whiles I was watching TV and demanded she be able to watch Embarrassing Bodies.
So I bought her a mirror.
Wife: What would you do if I died?
Man: I would go crazy
Wife: Would you re-marry?
Man: Not that crazy...