I was talking to my granddad about magic mushrooms,
"You need to stay well away from those things, " he said, "they're feckin dangerous. "
"I didn't know you knew about mushrooms granddad, " I replied.
"Oh yes, you should have seen what they did to Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945, " he answered
At an interview:"Do you have any hobbies?"
"I like painting."
"Very good - what have you painted?"
On my first day working in a factory, the boss came up to me and asked, "How are you getting on?"
I said, "To tell you the truth, I can't believe I'm working in England with all of these different languages. Take that guy over there, for example..."
"That's Pawel," he replied. "He's Polish.
"Okay," I said. "Fair enough. What about that guy over there? What language is he speaking?"
"That's Gabor," he replied. "He's Hungarian."
"Okay," I shrugged. "What about that guy over there, mumbling to himself. What feckin language is he speaking?"
He said, "That's Bob, he's a Geordie."