Speak First - Think After

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Speak First - Think After

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Thu Oct 05, 2017 2:20 am

Speak First - Think After
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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
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FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
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SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'
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THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
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FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
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FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
So I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
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LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a
female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! :oops: :lol: :lol:
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby Silver-Haired-Hippy » Thu Oct 05, 2017 8:09 am

Joe!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby lynne99 » Thu Oct 05, 2017 9:15 am

Joe you never fail us. I hope I've chosen my words wisely. :D
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby bjones » Thu Oct 05, 2017 9:26 am

Thanks for that Joe, the fifth made me cry laughing..... as the grandma of 2 small boys I can believe that really happened :oops:
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby filsgreen » Thu Oct 05, 2017 9:34 am

Brilliant, Joe. :lol: :lol:
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby Shelagh » Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:13 am

Think we all manage to get our words mixed up at times :D
No 1.....I have also made the mistake of asking that same question :oops: fortunately the hairdresser had a sense of humour :lol:

Another experience of tongue twisting occurred recently, I was buying a lotto ticket for Jimmy, walked into a shop on South Road, picked up a comic for grandson, then called over to the young man on the till, a lucky dick for tonight please..him and another man looked at each other and just burst out laughing, they continued to giggle like a pair of schoolgirls :lol:
I couldn't wait to get out of the shop :oops:

My daughter once told a friend not to kick up a fuss,, the words came out as don't fu## up a kiss :oops:

We all make them :oops: thanks for the laugh Joe :lol:
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Sat Oct 07, 2017 11:54 pm

Some good and funny answers guys thanks. :wink: :D
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby Silver-Haired-Hippy » Sun Oct 08, 2017 12:12 am

I remember when one of my granddaughter's reached the age of wanting to do some painting for the first time, she went to B & Q, and asked the assistant for the colour she wanted in the Dulux brand of paint, unfortunately she didn't say Dulux! She said, something that sounded almost the same! At seventeen, one very embarrassed young girl when the very good looking assistant put her right!! :lol: :lol: She has never lived it down! Thankfully it didn't put her off painting but she uses Crown paints now!! :D

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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby fatboyjoe90 » Sun Oct 08, 2017 12:23 am

I like it Loretta. :wink: :D :D
Cheers Joe.
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby Ernie Jackson. (Bunty) » Mon Oct 09, 2017 7:57 pm

Some years ago my wife Val was a merchandiser at Tesco's.

She was approached one day by a foreign guy who said he wanted some fresh lettuce,

She guided him to the vegetable counter and he became quite irate shouting "No. Fresh Lettuce. Fresh Lettuce".

After a while she realised he wanted the pharmacy for French Letters.

This might be appreciated by some older members.
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Re: Speak First - Think After

Postby Bonesy » Mon Oct 09, 2017 8:16 pm

I recently replied to a text from a lady customer by saying "okey dokey"
The predictive text decided it should be "OK Dike", I sent it without checking.
She replied " I didn't know that you knew and neither did my husband hahaha"

I got the job :lol: :lol: :lol:


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