FUNERALS

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FUNERALS

Postby Elaine Goulding » Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:24 am

I do not want to become involved in the "Christianity" thread, so please do not quote the Bible etc. This is not about religion. It is in answer to some funeral/church comments regarding the use of churches etc. I just want to give some comparisons. Here in Canada funerals are big business. Many people still use the church, however many opt for a Funeral Home where the body is taken from the hospital or the deceased home. The body is then placed in an open or closed coffin depending on the family of deceased wishes. "Viewing" is then arranged over a period of time before the actual funeral for friends and family. The deceased is then moved to the chapel inside the Funeral Home for the ceremony which is performed by whatever denomination is requested. After the funeral refreshments are usually arranged in the Funeral Home. The cost of this is can amount to over $20-$30,000 once you take into consideration flowers, cremation costs, obituary notices and funeral cars. Double that amount if you want a graveside burial. What I find really bad over here is the telemarketing calling to ask if you would like to pre-book your funeral and final resting place!!!.

When I was a child my grandparents both died at home and were in the front parlour until the funeral and were then taken to church. My parents both passed away in hospital and were taken to Coynes Funeral Home as we did not have a front parlour. They remained at Coynes until they were taken to church. While living at home I do not remember going to a Funeral Home. Unfortunately I have attended many funerals in Canada, almost all were in a Funeral Home with the exception of one friend who died in hospital, she was taken to the Funeral Home for "Viewing", however the funeral took place in church. I personally find Funeral Homes a cold experience, compared to saying your final farewell in church. Have things changed much over the years, do you have the same options in Liverpool???
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Brunnyboy » Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:21 am

when I die cheapest possible no religious people allowed no flowers they belong in the ground not a vase give the bees something to eat. would prefer a body bag save a tree its a waste burning a coffin
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Sheelagh Tequila » Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:34 pm

Hiya Elaine, there are quite a few choices, I think it could be 50/50 with Church and crem....My parents and brother wanted a simple service at the crematorium but both me and my husband want the Catholic Church service with Holy Communion, not the Requiem though as its far too long ..

Music........Tom Jones and Neil Diamond for hubby

Me...After everyone has beaten their fists kicked their feet and wept their woes I want a hooley :wink: :wink: :wink: so ..The Dubliners and Black Velvet Band and
Then wave me off with the Pogues and Goodbye Mush and Derkin,,sure I`m sick and tired of workin.......(sp)

Sheelagh Tequila :D
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Thu Mar 02, 2017 11:52 pm

Hi Elaine, more or less the same over here, less expensive, of course.
Not many would fancy partaking of refreshments at a funeral home though!
People brought their deceased relatives home in the past, usually to repose in the front room..but this custom is now changing, and deceased are resting for the whole time in funeral parlours before being taken to the church or crem!!


Specialist funerals becoming popular over here, people requesting all sorts of weirded send off's, relatives feeling the extra money is worth paying if it means honouring final wishes of loved ones...no matter how silly it seems!!

Amazing how much money pet owners are prepared to lay out for the send off of their beloved pets...very lucrative business here!!
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Bill fawcett » Fri Mar 03, 2017 12:12 am

I agree with Alan. I can't see the sense of expensive coffins, when they are just going to be burnt or buried in the ground.
When I go I have told my family they can put me in a bin bag. I won't know any different, as when your dead your dead.

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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Mack » Fri Mar 03, 2017 2:23 am

Same here Bill, just stick my remains in a cardboard box and find a quiet place and dig a a big hole.

If I've decomposed a bit before anyone finds me just use air freshener, throw my remains in the cardboard box and drop what's left of me in the hole.

Totally FREE.

Mack :wink:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Elaine Goulding » Fri Mar 03, 2017 3:08 am

Mack :D My Dad was of the same mind as you, however, my mother sent him to church and for the first time ever he had no say in it!!!!
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Eddy Lloyd » Fri Mar 03, 2017 9:21 am

I agree with Alan, no flowers, cheapest coffin, no one wearing black and a good karaoke afterwards :)
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Fri Mar 03, 2017 10:30 am

What is it about Bootle boys and funerals :D
None wanting money spent on wooden box, most requesting bin bag for deposal of body (own husband included)
Plan B is to donate body to medical science, let them take whatever they want,,then stick the leftovers (entrails) in doggy bag for quick disposal I.e. barbecue or chuck in bin :shock:

Another alternative to help with keeping costs down..environmentally friendly Biodegradable Coffins..suitable for purpose and good enough for job in hand :wink:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby bjones » Fri Mar 03, 2017 10:37 am

I've told my lot that I want a cardboard box but that it better hadn't be the likes of a Cornflakes one as I don't want to be bent to fit in.

Three family member lost in the past 2 years all had "different" send offs
My older brother's funeral a year or two ago was unusual in that we went to the crem first, we left him there so to speak and then went to church for a service; never seen that before.
Sis in law last month had the full hit with an RC mass first then on to the crem; all the time with a brush and bottle of bleach atop the casket - asn obsessive cleaner, it was her request.
Father in law had a Humanist service; old Harry was 93 and had had dementia for many years so not an unexpected event and it doesn't feel disrespectful to say it was quite a pleasant service. What I particularly liked was the reading of a poem called The Dash

http://joyce.taron.net/the-dash-a-poem-by-linda-ellis/
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:28 am

What a great poem Bee..Think a lot of us are of the same mind...
Funerals don't have to be traumatic and bleak, when we lost Mary (our mum) we went along with her wishes for a Catholic Church service...priest and I arranged the service, family having most of the input..not a sad face to be seen, everyone said one of the best funerals they had been to..priest sang all the hymns himself, and what a voice :D
Mums grandchildren read appropriate verses and poems..and I offered my own little tribute :)

A MOTHERS BOUQUET.

You gave me such treasures
So I'm asking today,
From all of those treasures
Let me choose my bouquet.
You gave me a mother
With a beautiful smile,
With a heart like no other
And a grace to beguile.
You gave me a Daisy
To preserve in the dew,
And a wonderful lady
To return it to you.
You gave me magnolia
And the freesia in bloom,
Adoration has stole her
Aromatic perfume.
But you gave me the sweetest
When you gave me the rose,
Unconditional love
And the seed that still grows.
Hypnotic her fragrance on yesterday dawns,
The rose you've accepted
I am left with the thorns.
You gave me a meadow
As a place where to lay,
A garland to tether
To complete my bouquet.
You gave me such treasures
But I don't understand,
For the petals have slipped through my fingers
And time from the grasp of my hand!!

All the old girls from Mary's sheltered accommodation joined us afterwards in the Brooke, none went home sober :wink:
So much food and drink on offer, customers in pub were even joining in....
Mary always did enjoy a good knees up..she'd have loved her send off :D
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby filsgreen » Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:37 am

You did her proud, Shelagh.
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Fri Mar 03, 2017 12:06 pm

Awww thanks Phil xx
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Sheelagh Tequila » Fri Mar 03, 2017 12:49 pm

Bee the poem IS lovely.

Shelagh your Mum`s funeral sounds perfect and a great way to help you begin the grieving process. My Mum gave us strict instructions to have the most basic of funerals for her, just family flowers and very close family members at her funeral with no get together afterwards,,,we carried these out to the letter. Here I am 25 years later still feeling guilty, I felt as though Mam was just cast off,,,,,no wake were we all sat around talking about our memories of her , no funny stories (she was a very funny lady) nothing, all home to our own houses. To this day when I go to a funeral I think "This is what we should have done for our Mam, and given her a great big fanfare into Heaven"

Sheelagh :cry:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby bjones » Fri Mar 03, 2017 4:08 pm

Shelagh K it sounds like you gave your mum the kind of send off she'd have loved

Sheelagh stop beating yourself up; you gave your mum what SHE wanted, if there's one time you should get your own way surely it's with your last wishes!

On the subject of poems for funerals I love the one our member Philrob recited for his mum. I copied it from this forum a couple of years ago and find it still gives me comfort when I think of my daft old Ma's leaving;

Parable of Immortality

Author: Henry Van Dyke


I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says,
" There she goes! "

Gone where?
Gone from my sight . . . that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
" There she goes! "
there are other eyes watching her coming . . .
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout . . .
" Here she comes! "
Bee

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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Bill fawcett » Fri Mar 03, 2017 8:55 pm

When our daughter Lynne was dying in the Jospice, opposite her bed was a poster of a tropical island. It showed palm trees
and a stretch of white sand. On the sand was a set of footprints and nothing else. Lynne used to say that she wished that she could be there, and we told her that one day she would be. She said that she sent herself from to sleep by thinking about walking on that beach.
After she had died we had the following poem read out at her funeral.

https://www.onlythebible.com/Poems/Foot ... -Poem.html
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Fri Mar 03, 2017 8:59 pm

Sheelagh..understand how you must feel regarding your mums funeral...but like Bee said..they were your mothers wishes, nobody else's..your family did the most honourable thing by respecting those final wishes...a brave and loving thing to do :)
Most people would have done exactly the same as you, given the situation!!!
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Fri Mar 03, 2017 9:06 pm

Beautiful Bill..have always loved that poem, and how fitting on this occasion!!
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Marie777 » Fri Mar 03, 2017 9:12 pm

When my husband died we were devastated and a friend of my mother sent me a card.

The sand was white and the sea very inviting and on the beach was one set of footprints.

Bill you and your dear wife know the rest.

It was a great comfort to me and his four teenagers as they were at the time.

Marie.
Last edited by Marie777 on Sun Mar 05, 2017 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby WatsonTommy » Fri Mar 03, 2017 9:53 pm

me A NEW ORLEANS FUNERAL :D by the way folks coffins are only veneered chipboard and they charged a lot of money for them:shock:the handles are plastic what a rip off :!: had a mate worked in the crem in thornton we called him BILLY THE BURNER :D told me all this :roll:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby henry » Sat Mar 04, 2017 12:08 am

i also knew BILLY THE BURNER when i drank in the Corpy club and he told lots of things about the crem that opened your eyes of what went on in there
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Brunnyboy » Sat Mar 04, 2017 1:29 am

what happens to the gold fillings
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby lily8 » Sat Mar 04, 2017 5:19 am

His Nibs John wants absolutely no fuss, no church etc and if he could do it would arrange to be buried in the paddock out the back. If he goes first it will be awful hard for me to comply with his wishes but I will do it, so just a few words and lots of music (his passion) it will have to be done at a funeral home,
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Elaine Goulding » Sat Mar 04, 2017 6:31 am

The tears are tripping me reading all your poems to loved ones :cry:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby WatsonTommy » Sat Mar 04, 2017 10:59 pm

henry wrote:i also knew BILLY THE BURNER when i drank in the Corpy club and he told lots of things about the crem that opened your eyes of what went on in there
:D Tommy Morgan gave him that name in the mell inn club,I worked for the council for a while and the Burner :o Billy Fenny took me in to there :roll:there were coffins everywhere two big furnaces and honest they had store bought meals for there dinner, along side them ovens heating them upon on a little shelve :D and a little peep hole to see how the burning went on GRUESOME :( BILLY told us they use to weigh in the scrap metal from the ashes every month and go the Grapes for a bevvy :( Billy worked in Bootle cemetry has a grave digger with a mate of mine Ray Davis. WELL our friend R.I.P JOHN ROBERTS went to Burscough crem agreat turn out nice to see you in the church henry :D
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby dorothy834 » Sun Mar 05, 2017 5:11 pm

Tommy Watson...
I think your last post (the one above mine)...
Should of been left at the bar or wherever it was discussed or
Should be now deleted ..it's totally in bad taste ..

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Re: FUNERALS

Postby WatsonTommy » Sun Mar 05, 2017 11:34 pm

it wasnt meant in bad taste dorothy :roll: can you imagine the ammount of metal people have after accidents and operations etc in there bodies :cry
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby dorothy834 » Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:02 pm

Tommy..I hav'n't changed my opinion..
When folk are at a funeral the last thing they
Want to think of is what is going on behind the
Scene's like how they hot their dinners etc..
It was about the cost of events.

Dorothy
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby WatsonTommy » Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:44 pm

i was on about the cost of funerals (plastic handles chipboard coffins etc ) GAS MARK 7 :D DOTHORY :?:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Patricia » Sun Mar 12, 2017 4:35 pm

See where you are coming from, Tommy, if I had never taken
a required Class in English which surprisingly was called: "Behind the
Funeral Curtain!" I would never have known or had ever
enquired regarding what went on with this particular subject.
One tends to steer away from same although it is inevitable. :cry:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Sun Mar 12, 2017 4:42 pm

May seem strange, but some people take an interest in what goes on behind the scenes,
Thornton crematorium hold open days for the public :shock: yes I'm not kidding..
Public are shown a couple of furnaces (not in operation of course) then taken through the different procedures of separation..(false eyes, limbs, joints etc) also shown compartments for the minerals and metals that a human body will contain!!
Idea of an open day is to allay fears and suspicions that the public may have :|

Some don't like the idea of curtains closing after the service, (so final) for this reason there is now a choice of open or closed, might be reassuring for grieving relatives!!
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Elaine Goulding » Mon Mar 13, 2017 1:49 am

Sheelagh, what an education this has been for me. I had no idea you had a choice of having the curtains at the crematorium open or closed. The curtains closed after the service for my Mum and Dad and you are right it was so final and very emotional as my mind conjured up all kinds of things when that curtain closed. I find the idea of going to the Crematorium for a "demonstration" really uncomfortable and not something I would ever consider doing. However, that is not to say people who want to know all about the procedure are wrong, it may bring them peace, who knows. I just know it would haunt me thinking about my loved one.
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Shelagh » Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:58 pm

Elaine, not on your own regarding uneasiness of crematorium procedure!
A sensitive and emotional experience, definitely not for the majority!!

Gone are the days when the word 'Funeral' was taboo..times are changing, people less reluctant to shop around for a quality service at a reasonable price!!

Shelagh!
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Ernie Jackson. (Bunty) » Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:31 pm

Val and I are away for a while and she will miss attending a few funerals as our generation becomes more depleted almost by the day. I wonder if her non attendance will cause her to lose her crematorium season ticket :roll:
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Re: FUNERALS

Postby Glenys » Tue Mar 21, 2017 1:20 pm

Yesterday I went to a funeral of a 87 year lady, whose request for her funeral was "No Black; No Tears". Her coffin was a simple wicker coffin with fresh flowers woven through the wicker. The hymns were "All Things Bright and Beautiful" and "Lord Of The Dance", which were very fitting for this lady.
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