Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK
01. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
02. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
03. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
04. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
05. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
06. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
07. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
08. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
09. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF
A Catholic Priest was disheartened at his empty church every Sunday, especially as the Mosque was packed at every call to prayer.
"What am I doing wrong?" He asked the Mullah.
"Well what happens to a Catholic when they die?" Said the Mullah.
"They spend eternity in heaven in the company of God, Jesus, the virgin Mary, and all the saints the angels," replied the priest.
"Ah, there's your problem," answered the Mullah, " only one virgin."
I spent 25 minutes waving to an old lady today,Then I realised she was cleaning her Windows.
My wife cleared out a load of her old clothes today.
I said, "Shall I throw all these in the bin?"
She said, "No way!
Take them to the charity shop. There are deprived Ethiopians that'll make use of those."
I said, "Yeah you're right. You can never have too many spare tents."